Jessica’s blog

Yay I'm back home @__@ Seems like I leave for too long ha ha and I don't even go that far away. Where I stay sometimes, they don't have interent, it sucks T__T But I'll be home all weekend and I'm gonna try to be at home more.

I am going crazy T___T I hate being a girl sometimes and having these feelings. I feel so silly @__@ But... I don't know, I feel so bad for having feelings for them but I can't seem to help myself. They are just so nice T__T It's hard not to like them. But seriously.... it's making me go crazy because I keep thinking about them and I can't seem to get them out of my mind. They're in my dreams too @__@ And i miss them alot.... I hate my self ha ha X___X Though I guess people can't help how they feel... right? @.@;;;;;;; I want to tell them.... I want to tell somebody because holding it in will make me explode lol.... though because of who they are... it's probably best if I don't tell anyone.... I wonder if they know.... maybe that's why they haven't been talking to me? T___T I'm told that I'm pretty obvious like an open book ha ha T__T

Um... yea just had to get that out there @__@ *blushes and runs away*

Yay I'm finally updating XD I've been meaning to write a long entry for awhile but I've been lazy ha ha XD So here it is.

There's not much to say really. I've been really busy with work, waaaaaaaay too many 7 and 7 and a half hour shifts T___T And I hate working until closing too ;o;

It seems I haven't been home much lately :( It seems like I'm only around at night and/or on the weekends. I miss talking to people :( I feel like I am loosing touch with people and people are drifting away.... maybe I am too clingy -__- ha ha. I've felt so alone lately even though i know I have friends that care about me.... but it seems like no one's around when you really need them. Alot of drama and bad things have been happening lately.... my dog might have cancer, getting kicked out into the cold, almost getting taken advantage of in a very bad way by someone who I thought was my friend, and alot of other things that are too bad/personal to mention. I just want to be happy again and have a happy normal life again. I'm sure things will start getting better in the summer time when I can finally see close friends again and go on much needed fun trips.

And I feel reeeeeeeally guilty about certain feelings I have. I know I shouldn't have them but I do.... Maybe I feel them because it feels like I'm missing something and I feel empty and sad.... and I want to talk to someone about them but I can't.... because I feel reeeeeeally guilty.... it sucks having to keep feelings like those a secret..... but it's better that way so that there isn't any confusion, awkwardness, or bad changes..... I don't want to inconvenince or burden anyone.... certain events this year will be very hard to deal with....

..... I miss people T__T lol i am such a depressing person XD I was looking forward to this month but it seems that it will end with disappointment -__-

Oh! It's funny, my dad has a facebook and he added me XD lol I was amused but happy, now I can keep in better touch with him ^.^ hee hee I love my dad.

Well.... i guess that's it for now. I'm probably gonna disappear for a few more days ha ha....

AHHH!!!!! I was going to write a longer entry but I just realized I have to be out of the house and on my way to work in 5 mins @__@ Maybe tomorrow? ^o^;;;;;; Today has been a rushed day @__@ But I got a haircut :3 hee hee. And yea.... must hurry @.@ Write more later~! ^.^

See Marko? It's not dead anymore! lol ^o^

Show us the best beach you have visited.
Submitted by Marko.

I honestly haven't been to many beaches XD But I guess the best would probably be the Outer Banks, NC

Obvr_mp1

It all seems kinda unreal... It hasn't really sunk in and processed until about now.... It's just so sad... You were an awesome person. It's too bad we couldn't have started talking sooner... Even though we haven't known eachother for very long, we were able to become friends. Thanks for being so good to Caryn... you were very sweet and loving. You reminded me alot of myself, a hopeless romantic, and also very insecure... I could relate to you.... since we were alot alike in some ways, I thought I could help you out and make you feel better.... but it seems like I was no use. I wish I could've done better.... and I'm sorry about the last night we talked, when I signed off and was angry.... I really regret that now... I wasn't mad at you.... I was mad at myself for being useless and not being able to help you two, because I cared about you both and wanted you guys to be happy.... I wish I had read your e-mail afterward and responded sooner.... and I wish that Caryn and I could've met you.... we were both looking forward to it.... and I never got my present XD "C-cup?" lol best conversation ever XD And thanks for making Caryn happy. Even though you thought you didn't, you really did, and she really did love you alot. Silly... I'm her best friend, I would know ;P I wish things could've turned out differently.... you weren't supposed to go ;__; But atleast.... you're in a good and better place free of pain. We will both miss you very much and you will always be in our hearts and memories.... and just so you know, when I see you in the next life, I'm gonna have to beat you up for leaving and making Caryn cry ;P Cause you know nobody gets away with making my Caryn cry ;P And even made me cry. Yep, this calls for a major beat down XP Ha ha only kidding ~.^ But I know that we'll all be together one day ^.^ So until then... rest in peace.... I know you'll be watching over us ^.^